


Hidden Behind A Wall of Shadows

by Rainor



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, And has a different story, Different story than Thor2, F/M, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, It gets really gay really fast, M/M, Most of the characters introduced later, PTSD, Past Brainwashing, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Past Torture, Secret Relationships, Steve will do whatever it is to take care of Bucky, Though Thor2 is still mentioned, Tony is an asshole like always, Will be tagged as we go, and Bucky is okay with that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 03:15:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1763879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainor/pseuds/Rainor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky wants to remember who he is, but how will he under all the years of being frozen and wiped over again and again? It would take the help of The Avengers, though with threats popping up with the news of the arrival of other beings that are much more powerful than The Avengers, how would he find time to save Bucky before he's taken by Hydra again and wiped?</p><p>Steve would have to find time to save Bucky with the threat of the world being collapsed on itself, mad titans running around the universe, and much worse than that from what he has heard of. Steve would have to, because he's with Bucky till the end of the line, in death or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Shadows Grow

A lot of people don’t know what it’s like to be brainwashed, to have someone destroy your mind. Most people don’t think that is what goes on in the world but it is, people are being kidnapped by Hydra and killed or brainwashed everyday just like Bucky. The shock that would run through his head was just like a pulse of energy, or that’s what he wanted to think, though it was like a lightning bolt, something you would expect from a machine that would literally shock your memories away from you. Though it being more of an energy like feeling at this point of time, Bucky would wake up every morning from his abandoned apartment building with the fear of being wiped once again. The apartment was dusty and draped with light in the morning that spread across the broken and cracked brown walls. The windows were broken as well and the most that Bucky had was an old couch made from leather and was striped with black on a white surface. Bucky usually had to go around for money, but since that man on the bridge and being used by Hydra for years and years, he knew how to survive. His room didn’t have much in it, a few extra dollars lying around on the disgustingly dirty black table which also held an old lamp.

He would wake in the mornings around six thirty, the time the soldier would get up if he ever were given the privilege to sleep. The Winter Soldier hardly was able to get sleep, he was always on missions between killing and hunting down, his two prime motives. Most of the killing was more higher ranking people within the world, the helicarriers would deal with the ones that were threats such as Anthony Stark or Steven Rogers, as he was told. Though he never knew the two. Whenever he was told of Anthony Stark all he could think of was a middle aged man with a mustache and black, greasy hair, though The Winter Soldier never knew why. He never knew what to think when he heard Steven Rogers, for some reason though, he would sometimes think of a smaller person with blonde hair to the side and a voice you wouldn’t expect from someone of his size, but sometimes he would think of a man with the same voice and same hair, but more built. Whenever he would hunt down anything, it would be for Hydra to capture, which ranged from SHIELD agents to presidents and world leaders, something that wasn’t tough for The Winter Soldier. 

Bucky was determined to find out whom he was, if he was this pawn for Hydra or James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes like that man on the bridge said. For some reason that man couldn’t fight the soldier because the soldier was ‘his friend’. The Winter Soldier didn’t have friends, he had masters and targets, that was all that he knew. You obeyed the masters and killed or hunted the targets. There was never a friend or an enemy, though for some reason both came along when that man on the bridge was first seen. Even with The Winter Soldier he felt like he knew the man from somewhere, though he wasn’t able to put his finger on it with years and years of brainwashing and being frozen in cryo. This man was familiar, his voice and everything, though he was unable to pinpoint it. Hydra said he was from a mission earlier but he knew they were lying, because he felt like he knew the man from years and years before. Before he was put into cryo, before he was brainwashed, before everything. He wasn’t able to remember anything other than waking up on ice, left arm cut off and bleeding and a Russian man walking up to him. he then remembered waking up with the metal arm and not remembering who he was, though all he knew was that he needed to obey the masters.

Bucky woke up, though still not wanting to after figuring out that he wasn’t what the masters said he was, that he was a weapon. Though he knew now that he wasn’t a weapon, that he was whoever James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes was. Honestly, he didn’t know who he was, he liked to believe that he wasn’t this weapon now that he was off the cryo freezes for about a month now. He didn’t want to be a weapon now, he wanted to figure out whom James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes was, and that was quite possibly the only thing keeping him from killing himself. He would think about what if he were to kill himself, would that man on the bridge care? Or would he ignore it like the masters would ignore his pleas for them to stop, to stop with the torture and allow him to remember whom he was, though they never did. He would remember him begging, just wanting to get his memories back and remember who he was, he would have blood on his hands and for some reason, be upset by it. Blood never would bother The Winter Soldier but for some reason, it did whenever he would return from a mission and slowly regaining his memories, and that’s when they would wipe him and freeze him once again. 

He put on a dusty, black, leather jacket, enough to hide the arm as he put the only metal part showing in the black pocket, filled with useless shredded up papers. Bucky had the same pair of pants ever since he visited the museum, a bit too big for him and dark blue, filled with holes in the fabric, only enough to see patches of skin. He had a red shirt with no design and was a bit too small for him, which showed off his muscles, though he never liked to see them. The Winter Soldier made his way to a bathroom within the abandoned apartment building. His eyes still screamed of misery and the unknown. He didn’t know most of anything that was going on around him, if he was evil or not, if he was human or a tool, if he still belonged to Hydra or was just a mindless man walking around. Bucky never wished to go out, if he had food and the necessities to survive within the building you wouldn’t see him out very much. Though he did have to get out to feed himself, he usually would steal food from bakeries and water from cafes, though sometimes he would put the extra effort to grab a tea or coffee

Though today, he didn’t go to the cafe or bakery, he went straight to the museum like a child would go straight to a ride that they found interest in at an amusement park. He was stuck in a line like usual when the Smithsonian would first open, but he didn’t mind waiting, he made sure to hide his metal arm from everyone. The air was damp as usual, it was pretty bright for being seven in the morning, the sun blinding at it being just a touch cold, though not enough to faze anyone. The park located next to the museum was also as green as ever, he watching the man on the bridge run around it along with that man that had the wings that he broke running as well, though the man on the bridge obviously passing him and saying ‘On your left’ everytime, to which the winged man would get mad at for some reason. Bucky didn’t laugh, he never did anymore, he hasn’t laughed since World War II, which he doesn’t remember. Though he could feel somewhat of a smile in his stomach which depleted immediately like it usually would, if he had any feelings that day.

After a few minutes, though what seemed like hours, the man on the bridge and the winged one stopped running, resting at a nearby tree and the two of them sweaty, the winged one sitting down and the man on the bridge just standing up and they talking about whoever knows what. Bucky stared at them until the Smithsonian opened, he sneaking some rubber onto the metal arm so the metal detectors wouldn’t detect it. He giving a sigh and walking into the giant museum. He quickly making his way to the World War II section, though it having missiles hanging from the air and plane parts, he knew what he was looking for, as he visited it everyday. Bucky ignored the ongoing folks, pushing people out of the way to get to the monument of ‘James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes’. People usually would stare at Bucky himself because he would stare for hours, reading about himself over and over again, and when he had enough, he would move to ‘Steven Grant Rogers’ and would read about him hours and hours, he putting effort into figuring who he was. Though he would stay there usually for hours a day, watching the clips roll of Captain America, trying to figure out who the hell this person was and who the hell he was.

It had been only a few hours at the museum, for some reason he staring at the picture of the man on the bridge more than enough now, kids would stare at him, think there was something wrong with him, but they didn’t know there was. He couldn’t walk up to a kid and they ask what was wrong with him and he answer ‘I’m a brainwashed ninety-five year old assassin that has no idea who he is and has killed over handful of people’ could he? No, he couldn’t, he would get arrested and worse, taken to Captain Rogers. Actually, maybe that’s what he needed, to get Roger’s attention and then maybe the man on the bridge would listen to him and help him. If he knew the Captain in the past then he would help him, that’s what the man wanted to do before he fell from the helicarrier, for The Winter Soldier to stop fighting and allow himself to help him? The Winter Soldier never stops fighting. Winter brings death and is eternal from what Bucky had been told before. Death never dies, and right now, Bucky was death itself, striking fear into the highest of people in the world, he was a fallen angel. 

He learned where the man lived through what he had left of his communications and headed back for the man’s apartment, watching the sun slowly go down amongst the crisp air. The Winter Soldier taking a deep breath of air into his mouth as he walked to the apartment complex of the man, the outside being made of bricks of a deep red color, the building being somewhat old but not as old as some of the other buildings. Some of them haven’t been torn down and been there for almost two hundred years, probably more. The Winter Soldier sighed, opening the door to the complex and looking around, making sure to keep the metal arm tucked away still. The lobby was bright and well kept, though looking as old as the outside with some sort of fabric chairs painted with some leaf designs of brown and green. The front desk made from dark mahogany, being polished with a single golden ringer on it and no one attending it as of the moment. Bucky only looking down at the yellow tiles but looking back up quickly, making his way to the elevator and ignoring the people staring at him, seeing how the assassin looked almost homeless. Physically he was, he didn’t own a house or apartment to live in and only lived in a complex that had been abandoned.

Bucky gave a sigh, opening the creaking gray steel door to the stairs which were cased in concrete. The railings were metal, painted black unlike his arm. Bucky walking up slowly and he finally taking out the left arm to trail his hand over the metal, it feeling almost alien to him as his feet slowly made their way up to the second story. He knew what story and which room the man lived on due to his mission, but being wiped caused him to forget everything other than that. For some reason The Winter Soldier was able to remember small things, before he was wiped he remember falling and always being there for Steve, it was enough to make him smile as he took the mouth guard and was shocked into memory-loss once again. He nodded for almost no reason as he opened the door to the third story, taking a deep breath and turning to his right, the hallway being just like the lobby, older looking and having tan walls and yellow tiles at his feet. The Winter Soldier walking to the end of the hallway and taking a deep sigh, hoping the man was at the home, knocking on the door with the metal arm, causing the knock to be a bit louder than what the flesh arm could do.

The darker door opening a few seconds later with the man in a white shirt a bit too tight for him and blue pajama pants that wrapped around his waist like a snake. The man immediately inviting Bucky in without a word, knowing why the assassin was here in the first place. Bucky nodding and walking in, looking around the apartment that had been fixed since he shot Nick Fury, the walls being darker than he remembered and the shelves lined up perfectly. The Winter Soldier sighing and sitting on one of the couches placed against the wall, looking at the chair that the director of SHIELD was in when the assassin shot him. He remembering some of the memories, remembering placing blindfolds on some victims and shooting them in the head, remembering placing explosives within companies and watching hundreds of people killed at one time. The man walking over to the assassin and patting him on the back, trying not to set him off. And he was determined to get Bucky back, not caring of the cost


	2. As The Shadows Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When The Winter Soldier goes to Captain America for help, what must Steve think of and what to do for the ninety five year old brainwashed assassin, and more important how would The Winter Soldier react?

“Who am I?” The Winter Soldier asked after a few moments of silence, seeing how the man on the bridge was too concentrated on getting Bucky to relax rather than speak, they would have plenty of time for that. When James was The Winter Soldier, he never felt feeling until he met the man on the bridge, he felt a warmth grow inside of him and he hated it, he hated this new feeling of whatever it was and what it still is. He couldn’t hurt the man on the bridge if he wanted to, for some reason his body was stopping it, his mind was, whenever he saw the man on the bridge he would get this warm feeling within his stomach and heart. The feeling would feel almost wonderful if he was made to feel, but he wasn’t, Zola told him that he was a soldier and tool, though Pierce told him he shaped the century, which one was it? Whenever Pierce talked to him, he treated him as an assassin but he said that The Winter Soldier was much more, that he was much more of a tool though he wasn’t. Zola would tell him that he wasn’t anything other than the experiment created by the scientist himself, that Zola caused all this, though without Zola he would be dead right now. Of course it didn’t matter to Bucky, he was basically dead in his own mind, a walking corpse of broken memories.

“You’re James Buchanan Barnes, my best friend and well…” The man on the bridge said, not stopping from moving his hand down the assassin’s back, giving the shoulder a light squeeze. The super soldier looking at the assassin and smiling at him, he was just happy that his friend sought him out on his own terms, even though the super soldier did plan to go with Sam to find the assassin and help him back to Bucky, though Bucky showing up at his doorway saved much more time and he was thankful for that. Steve remembered him falling, how helpless he felt, how Steve went into that bar before he fought Hydra, he wanting to get drunk so he could forget about his friend falling. Whenever his friend did fall he felt worthless, he felt like he should have fell instead of Bucky, because Bucky didn’t deserve what happened to him. Steve didn’t deserve it either but he wished it wouldn’t of have happened to Bucky. “Well you used to be my lover” The super soldier flushed, not tons of people knew of the two being together. It was known by Howard Stark and the Howling Commandos, but other than that they seemed like the best of friends.   
The Winter Soldier didn’t know how to respond, but simply nodded, trying to think of a time with this man. Anything that he actually was able to think of was only memories after he got wiped, catching the man’s shield, almost killing the man twice but he couldn’t. The Winter Soldier could have killed him easily but for some reason he didn’t, maybe this was why, maybe it was because they two loved one another and that love was strong enough to get through seventy or so years of Hydra brainwashing and being frozen. Usually The Winter Soldier never talked, he was an assassin not a soldier, well not anymore. Bucky and The Winter Soldier constantly fought within him for control, and he would get memories of both, killing Howard and Maria Stark, falling off some sort of train, being experimented on and frozen, being a friend to some sort of skinnier version of the man on the bridge. He remembered scenes of torture, a man ginger hair in a crew cut style and stubble on his face. The man worn down and dirty, days on days of torture from The Winter Soldier. The man wore a green suit that was given to all subjects with dog tags as well to mark which experiments they were, but he was no experiment. Bucky remembered the man having metal hooked onto his back and would slowly twist everytime he would refuse to give information. And just like that, one day, the skin popped off, none of it left on his back and exposing one small layer of pink, bleeding flesh. 

The Winter Soldier would remain with his muzzle on and sit behind the man, he was given orders to get information out of the man anyway possible, and this is what he chose. The Winter Soldier didn’t have feelings, all he had was the blood of his victims on his hands, though of course he didn’t know as much seeing how he was brainwashed and frozen by Hydra for years and years. The assassin only got up, walking to the back of the man once the machines stopped him from bleeding. He grabbed one of the nearby containers shaped like a coffee mug filled with alcohol and put it on the man’s neck, allowing only a few drops drip down slowly and touching the man’s muscles. The man screaming as it slowly sunk in, his back burning as if it were on fire, but it felt worse, as if thousands of needles were placed into his spinal cord and it being slowly ripped apart. There wasn’t any blood anymore, but the stains still there. The Winter Soldier quickly putting some sort of muzzle on him that caused metal to bend between his teeth and force his mouth open, allowing the soldier to hear his screams. The room fading to gray and Bucky looking over at Steve, his eyes not fazing from the horror he had just seen.

“C’mon Bucky, snap out of it, you’re not anything other than Bucky, you’re not a tool for Hydra anymore and you’re my best friend” The super soldier sighed, keeping from pulling Bucky into a hug. Steve wanted to know what Hydra did to Bucky, but at the same time he was terrified of knowing. Ever since World War II he thought he could handle everything that was thrown at him in a decent way, that’s how it went for a long time. Though he learned this new century had much more hidden secrets since he saw Bucky on the rooftop where he first encountered the new brainwashed version of the soldier he once and would always call his friend and lover. Steve would never give up on Bucky, he never gave up on him in the helicarrier, and that’s why he couldn’t fight him, because he knew that somewhere deep down Bucky was there, fighting his way back up to be with Steve like they were in World War II. Though he would never be the same, that couldn’t be stressed enough. Nor Steve or Bucky would be the same after everything that has happened in the last few years.   
“I-I know I’m not, but I don’t know who you are, all I know is that you’re important to me. Please tell me” Bucky replied, his voice scruff and dark from the lack of hydration he got. His voice almost dark and he didn’t speak like the Bucky that Steve knew, confident of himself no matter what and always happy for whatever reason. No, this Bucky, he sounded more depressed, which he had every right to be, most of people are when they get out of brainwashing, if they get out of it. He was lucky compared to the other experiments, usually Hydra makes sure that the people they test on stay how they programed them, but for some reason it didn’t work on Bucky. Maybe it was because he loved Steve that much before he was brainwashed, or maybe it was because he wasn’t as weak as some of the other test subjects. Some of the others use to be his companions, and he remembered killing them like they were nothing to him. He didn't’ know who they were, not tons of memories of them. All he remembered from before was this man and falling from some sort of train in winter and seeing the man’s reaction.

“I’m Steve Rogers, you’re best friend and I love you, and I will forever. That’s why I can’t harm you, because I know somewhere down there Bucky is fighting. Fighting for the ones he loves and his friends and just to get back” Steve smiled, pulling Bucky in for another hug without thinking and the assassin only being shocked for a second. Bucky sneaking his arms under the man’s and holding him so that he grabbed the broad soldiers. The assassin then resting his head on Steve’s shoulder “I’ll get you back, I promise it” The super soldier reassured Bucky, giving him a light kiss on the side of the assassin’s forehead and trying not to set him off. Steve not wanting to separate the hug and the two of them didn’t, he running his hands down Bucky’s back and making sure to keep the assassin close to him “We met at school, you were my only friend. When my mom died you were there for me, you could have tons of other friends that were good at something, but you chose me, bud. I used to be skinny, ninety pounds and could hardly hold myself up. You were reasonably taller than me, we went on a date in our younger years and never separated. You then told me you were enlisted in the army and I couldn’t let you go. You were taken by Zola and experimented on, that’s when I got the serum to make me, well, Captain   
America. I found you in one of the labs and rescued you, because I knew you were alive, you don’t die that easy. From there we went back to the camp and well, had one of those nights” Steve blushed, though continuing the story “And from then we went onto that train, you protected me from Hydra, and I protected you. I tried to reach for you Buck, I really did but-” He explained, being caught mid-sentence by Bucky’s tongue on his own.

 

The tongue was warm, entwining with Steve’s. Of course Bucky’s breath wasn’t the best but Steve didn’t mind, he just wanted Bucky to be with him once again and which he was. He loved Bucky, he loved him ever since he first met him. Steve wasn’t going to allow some breath or anything else ruin their relationship, because nothing could come between them, their love was strong enough to break through seventy years of Hydra brainwashing. Steve found it amazing that the assassin sought him out on his own terms. Bucky didn’t let go of the kiss, swiping the tongue over Steve’s teeth and separating, wiping away the drool between the two. “I-I loved you, more than you knew, and for some reason, I-I still do” The assassin pierced the quiet awkward moment between them. Steve nodded and looking at the metal arm, making sure he didn’t touch it. Steve didn’t want to set off everything in Bucky, he just wanted his friend back, not The Winter Soldier, he wanted Bucky. Of course he always wanted Bucky, but this was, this was more than before, he wanted his friend and lover back from The Winter Soldier. This was the beginning of getting it all back, memories and the love between the two that already existed as Bucky said earlier. 

“I love you too, Buck. I promise I’ll help you” The soldier said, reassuring Bucky. Bucky pointing at his metal arm, giving him a nod and allowing the soldier to touch it. The arm was cold and alien like, the plates could move as seen before, but for some reason it was still human when it was on Bucky, because Steve knew that it was now a part of the assassin and he would have to accept it. Steve loved Bucky, in any form, and he would never forget that. Whenever he fought Bucky on the helicarrier, he had to remind himself that this was the man he loved, and that’s why he didn’t fight Bucky. He knew that somewhere down in Bucky’s conscious that he remembered who Steve was, and that’s why The Winter Soldier didn’t shoot Steve, but that’s why he only shot him in the stomach and the arm, and not in the head like what could have been. “I know a guy that can help with PTSD, two actually” He said, not looking up from the arm and using his extra hand to pull out his phone, dialing a number into it and allowing it to ring for a few moments in time, though the person at the end of the line picking up “Stark, I need you to come down here and help my friend deal with PTSD, bring Banner too” He said into the phone, hanging it up after a second and tracing over the red star. He already knowing to get rid of it on spare time, but for right now, his priority was helping Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruce and Tony come into the story, hopefully it all goes well.
> 
> Any mistakes are my own, if one is found please excuse it with my current schedule and finals. I thank you for reading this

**Author's Note:**

> Any mistakes made within this work are my fault. I plan to update this every week or so, but with the schedule I current have I do not know if I can promise anything. 
> 
> You can find my Tumblr [here.](http://officialnightcrawler.tumblr.com/)


End file.
